In the Beginning

 I love how people think they know something, when they don't know anything except what they have been told. {And they weren't told the truth}

How did this one all start. We've talked about the first marriage, the supposed to be father of all 4 of my children. How did I end up with the second one, hubby #2? 

Let's start here, at the end of 'Part One'. 

 I got a divorce in November of 1990, it was final on February 4th, 1991.  Shortly thereafter my 'ex' showed up at my job - drunk - and took a sludge hammer to my truck, which was parked right out in front of the bar. My boss was sitting at the bar having his after-shift drink, watching the whole thing, while my 'ex' beat up my truck. 

My boss looked at me and I looked at him and said - "I gotta go and get to my kids". He agreed and I left. 

The first nightmare.

 I managed to get to my apartment before my ex, got in the door and made sure all my kids were safe! Just minutes later my ex was on the back deck with a large piece of firewood and tried throwing it at the door. He then went around to the front and began beating on the door and yelling. My oldest daughter and I talked about it and decided maybe if we let him in, we could get him 'calmed' down. 

 My 2 older kids hid the 2 younger kids under the bunk beds and put a bunch of stuffed animals in front of them. Then we opened the door. My ex came in and the first thing he did was rip the alarm system off of the wall and the phone off of it's cord. He smashed my kitchen table and began taking pictures off of the wall and smashing them over my head. { I didn't know my youngest son had crawled out from under the bed and was watching this happening until years later}.

 I went down the hall to the bedroom to where the other phone was so I could call the police. He came in the room, ripped my clothes off of me and wrapped the phone cord around my neck. Lifting me off of the ground by about 2-3 inches. I felt life leaving my body when I looked up - my brother-in-law, his brother was coming in the door saying "I'm going to get you help". 

He saved my life. 

 The police came, my ex inlaws showed up... my ex took off to who knows where. The grandparents offered to take the kids to their house, while I dealt with the police. My oldest son was in tears afraid that his dad would hurt his pet mice, while we were gone. 

This was the second nightmare of the night.

 After the police left, I drove to my brother in laws house on the way to the grandparents. My ex showed up there and used his 3/4-ton truck to repeatedly smash into the side of my little Ford courier, shoving it into the car that was parked next to it. The neighbors called the police, and my ex took off again. 

Nightmare number 3, yes all of the same night.

I went to grannys house to get my kids, with the police escorting me. I found out my ex-father-in-law had taken my kids to where my ex was on the way to their house, so needless to say - I NEVER TRUSTED THEM AGAIN. My ex was there at the house with my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I got my kids, and we left. My ex was arrested and went to jail for the night. 

The fourth nightmare of the night.

 So, the kids and I went back to our apartment to pick up the pieces. That nightmare had finally come to an end.  Little did we know there would be so many more. 

 First thing the next morning I was served an eviction notice and had 14 days to pack up my kids and get moved out. I went down to my job to get my check and be told that I was fired. It wasn't safe for the customers to have my personal situation at the bar. ? 

 March 15 - 1991 - 2 days after the exploding night and all the nightmares, I started a new job at a different bar. That was the day I met Hubby #2.  We were both from Canada and had a lot in common, so we talked when he would come into the bar with his dart team. I ended up being the 4th member of their team. 

 He and I went to a hockey game together, as friends. We felt more like friends because neither of us wanted a relationship at that time. I had my 'ex' problems, he had his. A couple other friends went as well. 'A group date' nothing serious. 

 My ex wasn't into paying child support - I was on my own with 4 small children.  It was my brother that gave me the money to move when I found an apartment to move to. Hubby #2 and his friend helped with the move. As well as a couple of my friends. 

 One night that hubby #2 was there visiting at the new apartment my ex showed up to 'see the kids'. He walked in and told hubby #2 that if any of my kids ever called him dad, he was going to slit his throat from ear to ear. Yes, this was said in front of my children. They didn't go with their dad that weekend. 

 A few nights later, hubby #2 was at the apartment watching the kids for me, while I was at work. Just after I got home, the 'ex' showed up and destroyed hubby #2's car and my truck. Slicing my tires and ripping the accessories off of the car. 

 At the advice of the police, I went and got a restraining order, and the police hung out at 7-11 across the street from the apartments - waiting for the 'ex' to show up. He showed up, they served him and off to jail he went again. 

 Hubby #2's mom was moving to Canada and wanted hubby #2 to take over on the house. It was a 3 story 5-bedroom house, and the mortgage was only $400 a month. {My apartment rent for a 3-bedroom apartment was $995}.  

 Hubby #2's mom suggested that the kids and I move into the house as friends. Everything was in her name, phone included, so the 'ex' wouldn't be able to find us very easy. We could all be safe.

 After getting moved in, it was the first time, I and my children felt 'safe' in a very long time. The first year was amazing and peaceful. Nobody knew where we lived. Nobody knew where I worked. PEACE and it was heavenly. 

 Hubby #2 got custody of his son, and we were turning into a 'family'. At some point during that year, we went from being best friends to having a relationship. 

 A lot happened during those 9 years, but that is a few different stories,  and another chapter, for a later date. After 9 years of 'living a good life' we decided to get married. What happened next is a whole 'nother' story probably another book of its own! 

 And that is how Hubby #2 came into the picture. 

Blessed by God

Life's a journey @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until Next Time, Stay Safe & Happy Trails.

Inside the Fish Bowl

 Most of us can't see it while we're in the fish bowl.  Most folks won't say anything about it, because when you can't see it, you're not ready to hear it either. {Usually, there are exceptions to everything} But when somebody finally sees, or says - the right thing, 

- it's like the whole Christmas tree lit up. 

It isn't a question of 'hating' someone, or 'being mean'. It's a matter of emptiness and being so fed up, you just don't put up with any of it - anymore. There is no fight left. You can't make someone 'love' you with the desire it takes to be in a relationship. You can care for someone, which is a form of 'love'. You can care about someone, another form of 'love'. 

But to be 'in love' with someone, is something of the heart, you just can't make it 'exist'. 

Needing someone and being needed are a completely different type of relationship. Too often we mistake one for the other. 'Love' for 'Need' and 'Need' for 'Love'.  When one side is in a 'needing' frame of mind and another person is 'looking for love'. They may end up together for a spell. 

Being needed without any reciprocal 'love', tends to make one side feel unbalanced in the relationship. {And that's when the conflicts start}. Outside forces may try to help 'heal' the relationship, or encourage it to end? Most folks on the outside, really don't know the depth of the problems within, so advice is hard to give correctly. 

This is probably why we have so many EX's and so few relationships that LAST. 

You can fall 'out of love' with someone when the scale becomes unbalanced and still be friends that care about each other. {If both sides are able to}.  You can still enjoy someone's company, without the expectations of the relationship, and get along just fine. Still having 'fun' together. 

Sometimes this is motivated by the children that are 'stuck in the middle' of it all. Some unbalanced relationships can hold out and maintain because of the 'kids' that the relationship affects. At least until the 'kids' are out of the way. { Couples are known to divorce once children are grown and out of the house. This often leaves the children in a bit of a shock, because they 'didn't see that coming}

You can 'try' again. Sometimes the problems can be resolved to where things do work out. Or you can 'try' again - and again and the problems only amplify and get worse with each collision. These would be the relationships that might end in 'hating' each other, or at least one side 'hating' the other.

Sometimes you just need to be left alone, without the burden of trying to figure someone else out. To find yourself. To 'fix' yourself. Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. Some folks are very 'independent' and struggle with 'dependent'.  people.

There are a lot of 'sometimes' in there, I know. You have to figure out what kind of 'fish' you are. It's best to have an idea of what you're expecting from any other 'fish' you want to add to the bowl. We are all just trying to be 'happy fish', with or without other fish in our bowls.

Images were all found ~ here ~

Blessed by God

Life's a bowl @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.