A Little Behind

 I've had a few things going on lately, the mind has been busy. No time to sit and think about writing. The stress and frustration with a particular situation, is enough to drive a person batty. I've prayed and will continue to pray about it, hopefully getting answers before I need to make decisions. Sometimes God waits until the last-minute right before ~ other times He lets you go through the fire a bit. Mind you He keeps you from getting burnt while you're there. 

 The anxiety attack from my trip to Seattle took a few days to calm itself down. There is always an aftermath with the attacks, sometimes it takes a few days. Robotic mode, to keep functioning on the primary things, while everything else goes to the back of the bus and waits. More of that horrible heart burn, took me down again. Need to make a doctor's appointment for that. And my left foot isn't getting any better, it's actually getting worse. So there is another doctor appointment I need to put on my schedule. 

 My horse turns 28 tomorrow, I'm hoping to go spend part of the day with her. Today is supposed to be record heat so maybe she'll get a bathe. A much-needed bathe! At least her tail and mane must be done. Riding season for us is starting, so we both need to get prepped and ready. Need to get my friend up on her horse here soon, so I can have a riding partner. Hoping we will get to go places a bit further out on our adventures this year.

 

 Of course, moving day is getting closer and the stress that comes with that is always present. Not letting it interfere with my day-to-day thoughts. I've moved so many times; I can probably have everything ready to go in under 24 hours. Actually, drove out to the city where it is, and holy wow is it ever far away from 'here'. 

 Talk about starting over and in a new place! Almost makes me more excited to get there.  Only one inspection today and 7 TY stores to do this week. I should have time to catch up on most everything else. Looking forward to a few day of rest and relaxation. It's almost June already, dang how time flies. 

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

It's always about the Money

I couldn't tell you how many times I've been accused of 'only caring about the money', or 'I'm just there for the money'.

Every time the kids have needed money, and I could, I would give it to them. Not loan, not expecting pay back, give. Every time I came into any amount of money, I would share it with them. Whether it was a chunk of child support, my inheritance, income tax refunds, always each of them would get something out of it.

After my divorce I never raised the amount of support, it remained the same throughout the entire time the kids were growing up. No cost-of-living adjustments, no reevaluations. Support enforcement would send me forms pretty much every year, asking if I wanted to adjust the support, I declined every time. He got out of paying support on 3 out of the 4 kids and I never went back to court to reclaim what was owed.

When I sold my house there was a lien for $3,000.00 - a bill of my ex's for medical. Not sure how he got them to put a lien on my house, but in any case, I paid the bill out of my sales proceeds. Never took him back to court for the bill. He destroyed my truck doing thousands of dollars in damages and damaged a friend's car as well. I never sued for the money owed me. 

I was accused of only being interested in my second husband because of where he worked and his personal income. Little did people know he was paying out over $600 a month in child support for his only child and didn't have a whole lot of extra to spend, leaving him just as broke as the rest of us. We weren't a couple, we were 'roommates'. A deal made by his mother to help with the expenses on the house she was leaving behind while moving to Canada.  

I handled legal matters and taxes for him, never charging my fees. Leaving me out of a few thousand dollars there too. I babysat his son for 9 years without charging him, and we all know what day care costs are like now don't we? At one point I had to quit my job to watch his son and was never compensated for the loss. Rather accused of 'child abuse' and had to spend more money to defend myself. For the record, I was cleared by the courts and the child returned to my care. I quit watching his son after that and the child became his dad's responsibility completely. I had nothing more to do with him. 

As the years passed my roommate finally married me, for the sake of medical insurance for my kids. Only after I had to pay out a $10,000 hospital bill on my youngest daughter. A bill my ex should have helped pay, so technically he owes me about $5,000 for that as well. Not to mention all the 'school pictures' and 'sports fees' so the kids could participate in activities. Never received 'his half' of those bills either. Never took it back to court even though support enforcement stated they would help me with recovery.

When hubby #2 quit his job to go back to school, it was me and my kids supporting him. Every time he changed his circumstances, it was me and my kids supporting him. And in the last few years while being homeless, it has been me and my kids supporting him. Sometimes paid back sometimes not. This last year there hasn't really been any pay back. When I asked him what he planned to do if he received back pay from Social Security, he said pay his bills, never mentioning to pay back the money he owes my kids.

Twice in my life I've been taken advantage of by men. While I was raised it was a man's responsibility to provide for the family, I found myself being the only provider for my kids growing up. Hubby's son and sister moved in with us and it was my money buying groceries for the whole lot of them, never received a dime in compensation from his mother for the expenses of his sister living there. His ex never paid support towards his son. It was me funding the extra needs for everyone.

Never to be repaid.

But yet, I'm the one accused of 'making it always about the money'. The other day while visiting one of my daughters we were talking about how I am about to end up getting a place of my own, to finally be able to be 'home' and alone by myself. She made the comment, that maybe now I would be able to save some money and have a few nice things for myself. Things I have never been able to have because of having to support and help out everyone else.

I'm concerned, I'm 60, I'm disabled, and my social security is the only steady income I have. It's going to be tight doing everything by myself. . . Rent, utilities, gas in the car, food, medical expenses, taking care of my horse. I know it's going to be a strict budget. I know I can do it, I've had to sacrifice so much already. 

I'm just really sick and tired of always being accused of only being about the money. About as much as I'm sick of being accused of always being the cause of drama. I'm not the one who causes the drama in my life. I mind my own and keep to myself and it's only when I let others into my life, their presence brings on the drama. Yet I'm the one to suffer from it. 

I'm really looking forward to this move. I will be pretty far away, in a place I've never been. It will be all new neighbors, stores and places to go. I doubt I will run into anyone I knew or know. And I'm feeling like I'm not going to really let anyone know where it is, so I can keep it a peaceful place for myself. 

A place I can finally call home and not have to walk on eggshells because of anyone else. My phone is going to be shut off for a while and I don't know that I will announce when it gets turned back on. It's not like I get a whole lot of calls from anyone anyway. The people that matter know how to get ahold of me and that's enough for me. 

While the money owed would be nice, I know I will never see it. It doesn't matter; I have peace and joy and will finally get to be happy without stress. That is worth so much more than what I'm owed. People can think what they want, I'm not the one screwing people out of the money, I'm the one getting screwed what's owed to me. God knows the truth; God knows my heart. I could care less what people think. 

Blessed by God.

Life's going to be beautiful @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping By

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.