The 80's led to children and collapses. A heart murmur was discovered and never left. Sudden heart stopping blank outs. One caused me a broken nose falling into a wooden arm on the couch. This continued into the 90's where divorce and protection orders entered my life. STRESS became the main focus of my complications, leaving illness X in the background, as the cause of my health problems. { or so I thought }
A few happy moments in life and illness X seemed to be going away.....
The beginning of a new life in 2000 was quickly shattered by X factors, not illness X, please don't get these two confused. X factors would be the ex partner, father of the children, ex husband, this type of X .
By 2006 A grand collapse led to 5 days in the hospital and taking home oxygen tanks. {COPD}. Hypertension, high blood pressure, PTSD, Anxiety were words being added to the 'causes' of my healths decline. A few tumors, removed. A couple surgeries and things seemed heading upward?
or not.
Stress can kill you.
Or make you wish you were dead.
The next 8 years were a roller coaster, bouncing from here to there. Doctors guessing this and guessing that... no answers... Everything appeared fine. Invisible illnesses are the ones that hurt the most, because in addition to the illness, you get the judgement and opinions of others. {Amazing at how many people have expert medical opinions, with no medical knowledge or training, much less your specific case file}
Finally I was blessed with a Doctor that cared.
NEW
Medications and therapists and life started to look a little brighter. Everyday still a struggle.
The side effects of a life of stress, on top of illness X.....
I have PTSD - COPD - hypertension and recently added - osteoporosis.
and
My left lung is probably going to be what takes me out.....
Looking back, had anyone known then what is known now, so much could have been different and life would have been better, for everyone.
..Illness X ...... PTSD {DEPRESSION}.
You don't just get over it, you can't just cheer up, and it doesn't just go away. It isn't because someone did something specific at that moment. It isn't just about being sad/scared. It's so much more than feeling sad/scared.
It's paralyzing, causes you to be unable to breathe, creates a sense of hopelessness no matter how perfect and wonderful your life might be going. No matter how far away you run from the past, it stays with you. {Especially when the 'bullies' never stop bullying}
This is what confuses people so much about it
{PTSD/Depression/illness X}.
Why don't you just get over it!!!!
Amazing how so many suddenly have a masters degree to diagnose you {right?}
Such a damaging phrase to those who have the illness. You don't have to be a veteran to suffer trauma.
Life now, as I said in the intro, is so much better now that I have a solid foundation; Which is UNDERSTANDING myself. Now, That is a great place to start with any need to heal, mentally, spiritually and thus physically. Never underestimate your body. It has a way of getting your attention when you try to ignore it. Learning to accept yourself with 'illnesses' or 'defective parts'... Is healthy, and it's healing.
The more we learn about mental illness the more we realize the balance between physical, mental and spiritual health. Too many people are afraid to talk about mental illnesses.
We have to break the stigma and 'talk about it'.
Blessed by God
Life's good here @ the Bright Side of the Barn
Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails
