"Only the self-sufficient stand alone — most people follow the crowd and imitate." — Bruce Lee
I remember during the early years - I had to stop myself from being frustrated. They were not little robots that did as you told them, they were little people with their own minds, opinions and ways of doing things. They followed the rules out of respect, not from dictatorship. I taught them how to take care of themselves and not always rely on others to take care of them.
As strange as it may sound, I taught them how to survive at the lowest point in life, without taking from others and I taught them how to rise to the highest point in life and stay humble. To give rather than take. To think of others before self. Not to worry about what others think or say but rather be concerned with being the best you can be within yourself. {again}.
Depression was a struggle most of my life. A major challenge to overcome. People don't really understand how you 'just can't 'get over it' and 'cheer up'. Unfortunately, the wrong medications often led to worse depression and many suicidal thoughts. As one of my therapists told me, it was pretty amazing that I was always able to talk myself off of the ledge. My kids were my life savers, and I've felt miserable that I had to rely on them so much. Truth, they were all I had to call family.
My best kept secret in life was my heart condition until it 'sprung a leak' and caused me some destress. Over the years there were some fainting spells, anxiety attacks and even a couple strokes. I was lucky to only lose a few memories and abilities, where others have lost complete mobility, speech, body control and so much more. The doctors have warned me to avoid stress. LOL unfortunately, my life carried more stress than 'normal'.
I probably should have had heart attacks instead of mild strokes. God has been good to me. I've lived longer than I or my doctors ever expected. I think the hardest part was when they gave me a time limit on my lungs and told me I only had so much time left. Being on oxygen machines at 41 really messed me up mentally. It took a few years to work through that one and strangely enough, instead of getting sicker I got healthier and out lived their expectations. I feel much better at 61 than I did at 41 or even 51.
It's been nice to be able to recover from my medical challenges and work. While it's lonely when you are by yourself, it's nice to not have to take care of anyone else. It's a good feeling to accomplish things on your own and not need 'help'. I've felt bad over the past few years, needed to reach out to my kids to help me out, or rescue me with broken down vehicles. It's been nice to be able to take care of myself and regain my own independence.
God has worked so many miracles and blessings throughout my life. It's amazing to look back over the years and recognize all the wonderful things He's done for me. I really thought it was the end of the road a couple Christmas's ago and God really opened the doors and brought me through to a place I never expected to be. The past year and a half have been so amazing! Physically, mentally and spiritually.
I've regained my independence and self-sufficiency. And it feels awesome.
I remember when I started this blog several years ago. It was for me to help myself heal. It's become so much more and I'm touched at how many others have benefitted from my openness. Life isn't always pretty and bright. It's when we are in the dark that we need someone to come into our lives and turn on a light...
Blessed by God
Life's been an amazing journey @ the Bright Side of the Barn
Thanks for stopping by
Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.
