Being nice to someone you don't like, or someone you have ended a relationship with, doesn't mean you have changed your mind about it. It doesn't mean you're being phony or leading them on.
It means you are mature.
Some people think that just because you are being nice, that you have forgiven them and forgotten what they have done. Like 'you got over it'. Yes, you probably have forgiven and forgotten in a sense. But your smart enough to not let it happen again.
It's possible that part of the original problem stemmed from their own lack of maturity.
You don't have to be mean or ugly to people just because they no longer want to be involved with you. Let go and move on yourself. Let them go on and live their own lives.
Some of us grew up with the learning that you should be kind to everyone, to some degree. You just don't participate or engage with those that you dislike or feel uncomfortable with. You walk away from those that hurt you, without throwing stones and causing problems for them.
It's called 'moving on' or 'moving forward'.
It has nothing to do with you seeking revenge or retaliating towards them. You just have let go of the relationship and no longer include them in your own plans.
It's not being mean. It's being mature.
You don't have to keep mean people in your life. You don't have to tolerate being mistreated. It doesn't make you a mean person to walk away. You can forgive and still move forward. Most likely you never forget. But you still can let it go and move on without being mean yourself.
It can be very frustrating when you have made the decision to end a relationship with someone and just because you're nice, they think you are still 'friends' or 'together'. When people disrespect you and push themselves onto you, you can become mean, without even realizing it. It is not your intention.
It's you fighting for your personal space and personal respect.
Some people make it hard not to be mean in return because of their disrespect and invasion of your 'space'. They just can't let go, so you have to be more forceful to get them to disconnect. It still doesn't make you a mean person.
It makes you someone who stands their ground and stands up for themself.
It's not your fault when you have to push back, or take it to the next level, to get them to back off. Leave you alone, move on with their own lives. Many will accuse you of being the mean one, when in fact you are just standing up for yourself. Don't let them talk you into backing down and letting yourself be run over again.
It's hard when you have to put someone out and they have 'nowhere else to go'. That is their own problem, not yours. Yes, you can feel bad that it's happening to them. Just remember they brought it onto themself. How many chances did you give them; how many times did you warn them - before you shut the door.
It was their own choice to harass and hound you, rather than finding their own way out of the situation. It was their own choice to ignore their own friends and spend all their efforts on pushing themselves into your life.
You are not a mean person because you want mean people out of your life.
You are not a mean person for standing your ground and protecting yourself.
Respect goes a long way in all types of relationships. If you are not being respected, it's time to move on. Disrespectful people, will probably not respect your choice and will continue to push against you.
Why would someone want to be with someone that doesn't like them?
Not liking someone doesn't make you a mean person. It just means you and they have nothing in common to be together.
People can change. Maybe you were friends, maybe you did get along at one time. That doesn't always matter now. People can change and grow apart just as they can grow together.
You don't owe it to someone to stay in a situation with someone you don't like.
Blessed by God
Life's real @ the Bright side of the Barn
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Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.
