Oh Chanelle

 

She's been into sticking her tongue out when you go to take her picture. 

The Storms Over.

 Feels like the storm has ended.

 Knowing there is a solution in sight has relieved so much of the tension. Still having OCD's about a few things. Tomorrow is May 1st {my sister's birthday} and the beginning of my last month here. I still don't have much information on the apartment and the how much, when and where. These are the things that drive me nuts. He'll be taking his vehicle with him, so I'm really wanting to have wheels and get used to them, before I'm left without. I'd also like to get moved before I lose access to the Expedition, as it will be able to transport most things. 

 He's also waiting for word on his departure date, and the details of the plan on that end. MRI this weekend, so hopefully he'll find out if his brain is malfunctioning. LOL. Very disappointed in the attorney, as still haven't received a call back. Seems worthless and yet he gets paid. The battle for disability hasn't ended yet! The man truly needs it, deserves it and is fully qualified to get it. Social security just doesn't like to give a person back their own money! 

 It's been a lot more peaceful lately. Like I said the tension has gone down considerably. Seeing the light at the end of a tunnel helps. Knowing things are going to change and appearing for the better for both sides of the equation.  I know it's the right thing to do for the elders involved. I know it's what I need, and I think it will help him too.

 Personally, I'm looking forward to actually being alone, rather than just feeling alone. My daughter made me laugh when during our conversation, she mentioned that I will probably be able to save money too! Even though I have a minimal income, I'm pretty conservative on my own side of the fence. It's the other side that costs so much. I had to agree with her. I've always done better 'on my own' in that respect. 

 My parents were poor, and I grew up knowing how to make things last, how to fix things rather than replace them, and spend less to get more. Thrift stores were always a great place to find treasures beyond the imagination. My youngest daughter loves going to the thrift stores still. 

 My oldest daughter turned 45 yesterday. Dang I just keep feeling older every time one of them has a birthday! She's so beautiful, doesn't look her age, but has double the wisdom for her age. Very proud of my kids. The 3 I'm close to and that I had the greatest influence in raising have grown up to be amazing peoples. They all take such good care of their own little families. 

 I'm looking forward to actually getting to spend more time with my family once this situation is settled and the dust clears the air. Things have been so stressful that even visits haven't always felt like happy visits. The joy of life is returning in more ways than one. I have my horse in a place where riding is more readily available, and a friend that wants to ride together as well. 

 This could end up being the best summer yet! Now to just get answers and the dates things are going to start happening. It's been a year since I've been in 'boxes' I'm dying to unpack. So much of my own things I haven't seen for so long. 

 Funny how the air always smells fresher after a storm. The sky looks brighter, and the moods are calmer. Looking forward to summer for the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward. God is amazing and the blessings have been many. So grateful to all the people that have gotten me from there to here. Looking forward to being able to pay it forward and back! 

Blessed by God

Life's getting brighter @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

What Did You Do?

 When one of the kids would come and say, "So & so did this or did that to me". I would always ask - "What did you do?" 

I never assumed one side would be totally innocent, and the other totally to blame. 

"It takes two". 

 In adult relationships, quite often, one finds themselves frustrated at how much pity the other receives. As if they are totally innocent and only "one" is the problem or to blame. 

 Of course, his/her family/friends are going to feel sorry for him/her, when they only hear one side. 

Quite often ~ 

 Never have they asked, "What did you do?". They automatically 'take the side' and 'blame' the other. Even when they could see what he was doing, they justified it. "Well look at how she treats him". Never asking 'why she acts that way'. 

Or visa - versa. 

 Recent conversation with one of my daughters, in talking about what's been going on. Where things are and where they are going. I commented on how 'he always ends up 'taken care of' and we end up 'struggling to figure life out'. 

She pointed out to me, - His family has never accepted or included us. 

She's right.

 Not even when my kids were little did his family even buy them Christmas presents. They would come down from Canada with gifts for him and his son, and we were treated as if we were invisible. 

 Yet even my 'ex' mother-in-law, would always buy his son a gift and make sure he was included with my kids, never to feel left out. 

 Is it any wonder my kids would have an ounce of resentment towards his son?

 With everything that's been going on, 

I'm repeatedly told of the things I do or have done, and the words keep popping up in my head. 

Yep, and 'what did he do?' 

 Nobody ever asked that question.

There are - two sides to every situation and sometimes even 3 or 4. 

 Next time the kids come running to you to 'tell on someone else' 

remember to ask them, "What did you do?" 

You might be surprised at the answers. 

Blessed by God

The kids are grown @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Mama used to say ~ If the shoe fits, wear it!

I have often had different folks, feel like a post on facebook, or a blog post here ~ is about them, or a conversation we've had together. 

Sometimes - our conversations may spark a thought on a subject. Often times, I am able to look at things from different directions and opposite opinions. 

Not always necessarily is it my thoughts or my opinion. But one of many angles to look at something. Sometimes people get offended, or think I got offended. Many times, neither is the case. After the confronting conversation, I often wonder ~ hmmm, what were they thinking that made them think, I felt that way? Was there guilt in there somewhere. 

Trust me, If you have offended me or if I felt a certain way about something you did, we would either talk about it or never talk again. I used to write letters, when I had an issue with someone. That way, my words would always be in black and white, and nobody could say "Well she said", without it being exactly what I said. 

People would often misinterpret my letters. But that too is on them, not me. Write me back if you have to and I'll try and explain it differently. 

Too many times, people are afraid to say, "how they feel" or ask "if that offended you", when such a simple conversation could really clear the air. 

I've had conversations with folks about a subject, regarding 'having to defend myself.' Later making a post about 'having to defend myself', and they would feel I was referring to our conversation. When in fact - it's a completely different person, that I always seem to have to 'defend' myself, or my answer to something.

Thankfully that person was able to come out and ask me, if it was our conversation. I tried to explain it wasn't and hopefully all is well.  Very few people are as straight forward. Which is probably why I love the ones that are, so very much. We have open relationships, without question or doubt. 

I've lost a few good friends because they thought 'I was referring to them' when in fact, they were not even the thought on my mind, or the point of the post. But it did tell me that they could or should have been. Perhaps that is why the friendship ended. 

Be true with your people and hopefully they will be true with you. It makes for better friends, and longer relationships. 

Blessed by God

God knows my heart @ the Bright Side of  the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

In the Beginning

 I love how people think they know something, when they don't know anything except what they have been told. {And they weren't told the truth}

How did this one all start. We've talked about the first marriage, the supposed to be father of all 4 of my children. How did I end up with the second one, hubby #2? 

Let's start here, at the end of 'Part One'. 

 I got a divorce in November of 1990, it was final on February 4th, 1991.  Shortly thereafter my 'ex' showed up at my job - drunk - and took a sludge hammer to my truck, which was parked right out in front of the bar. My boss was sitting at the bar having his after-shift drink, watching the whole thing, while my 'ex' beat up my truck. 

My boss looked at me and I looked at him and said - "I gotta go and get to my kids". He agreed and I left. 

The first nightmare.

 I managed to get to my apartment before my ex, got in the door and made sure all my kids were safe! Just minutes later my ex was on the back deck with a large piece of firewood and tried throwing it at the door. He then went around to the front and began beating on the door and yelling. My oldest daughter and I talked about it and decided maybe if we let him in, we could get him 'calmed' down. 

 My 2 older kids hid the 2 younger kids under the bunk beds and put a bunch of stuffed animals in front of them. Then we opened the door. My ex came in and the first thing he did was rip the alarm system off of the wall and the phone off of it's cord. He smashed my kitchen table and began taking pictures off of the wall and smashing them over my head. { I didn't know my youngest son had crawled out from under the bed and was watching this happening until years later}.

 I went down the hall to the bedroom to where the other phone was so I could call the police. He came in the room, ripped my clothes off of me and wrapped the phone cord around my neck. Lifting me off of the ground by about 2-3 inches. I felt life leaving my body when I looked up - my brother-in-law, his brother was coming in the door saying "I'm going to get you help". 

He saved my life. 

 The police came, my ex inlaws showed up... my ex took off to who knows where. The grandparents offered to take the kids to their house, while I dealt with the police. My oldest son was in tears afraid that his dad would hurt his pet mice, while we were gone. 

This was the second nightmare of the night.

 After the police left, I drove to my brother in laws house on the way to the grandparents. My ex showed up there and used his 3/4-ton truck to repeatedly smash into the side of my little Ford courier, shoving it into the car that was parked next to it. The neighbors called the police, and my ex took off again. 

Nightmare number 3, yes all of the same night.

I went to grannys house to get my kids, with the police escorting me. I found out my ex-father-in-law had taken my kids to where my ex was on the way to their house, so needless to say - I NEVER TRUSTED THEM AGAIN. My ex was there at the house with my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I got my kids, and we left. My ex was arrested and went to jail for the night. 

The fourth nightmare of the night.

 So, the kids and I went back to our apartment to pick up the pieces. That nightmare had finally come to an end.  Little did we know there would be so many more. 

 First thing the next morning I was served an eviction notice and had 14 days to pack up my kids and get moved out. I went down to my job to get my check and be told that I was fired. It wasn't safe for the customers to have my personal situation at the bar. ? 

 March 15 - 1991 - 2 days after the exploding night and all the nightmares, I started a new job at a different bar. That was the day I met Hubby #2.  We were both from Canada and had a lot in common, so we talked when he would come into the bar with his dart team. I ended up being the 4th member of their team. 

 He and I went to a hockey game together, as friends. We felt more like friends because neither of us wanted a relationship at that time. I had my 'ex' problems, he had his. A couple other friends went as well. 'A group date' nothing serious. 

 My ex wasn't into paying child support - I was on my own with 4 small children.  It was my brother that gave me the money to move when I found an apartment to move to. Hubby #2 and his friend helped with the move. As well as a couple of my friends. 

 One night that hubby #2 was there visiting at the new apartment my ex showed up to 'see the kids'. He walked in and told hubby #2 that if any of my kids ever called him dad, he was going to slit his throat from ear to ear. Yes, this was said in front of my children. They didn't go with their dad that weekend. 

 A few nights later, hubby #2 was at the apartment watching the kids for me, while I was at work. Just after I got home, the 'ex' showed up and destroyed hubby #2's car and my truck. Slicing my tires and ripping the accessories off of the car. 

 At the advice of the police, I went and got a restraining order, and the police hung out at 7-11 across the street from the apartments - waiting for the 'ex' to show up. He showed up, they served him and off to jail he went again. 

 Hubby #2's mom was moving to Canada and wanted hubby #2 to take over on the house. It was a 3 story 5-bedroom house, and the mortgage was only $400 a month. {My apartment rent for a 3-bedroom apartment was $995}.  

 Hubby #2's mom suggested that the kids and I move into the house as friends. Everything was in her name, phone included, so the 'ex' wouldn't be able to find us very easy. We could all be safe.

 After getting moved in, it was the first time, I and my children felt 'safe' in a very long time. The first year was amazing and peaceful. Nobody knew where we lived. Nobody knew where I worked. PEACE and it was heavenly. 

 Hubby #2 got custody of his son, and we were turning into a 'family'. At some point during that year, we went from being best friends to having a relationship. 

 A lot happened during those 9 years, but that is a few different stories,  and another chapter, for a later date. After 9 years of 'living a good life' we decided to get married. What happened next is a whole 'nother' story probably another book of its own! 

 And that is how Hubby #2 came into the picture. 

Blessed by God

Life's a journey @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until Next Time, Stay Safe & Happy Trails.

Inside the Fish Bowl

 Most of us can't see it while we're in the fish bowl.  Most folks won't say anything about it, because when you can't see it, you're not ready to hear it either. {Usually, there are exceptions to everything} But when somebody finally sees, or says - the right thing, 

- it's like the whole Christmas tree lit up. 

It isn't a question of 'hating' someone, or 'being mean'. It's a matter of emptiness and being so fed up, you just don't put up with any of it - anymore. There is no fight left. You can't make someone 'love' you with the desire it takes to be in a relationship. You can care for someone, which is a form of 'love'. You can care about someone, another form of 'love'. 

But to be 'in love' with someone, is something of the heart, you just can't make it 'exist'. 

Needing someone and being needed are a completely different type of relationship. Too often we mistake one for the other. 'Love' for 'Need' and 'Need' for 'Love'.  When one side is in a 'needing' frame of mind and another person is 'looking for love'. They may end up together for a spell. 

Being needed without any reciprocal 'love', tends to make one side feel unbalanced in the relationship. {And that's when the conflicts start}. Outside forces may try to help 'heal' the relationship, or encourage it to end? Most folks on the outside, really don't know the depth of the problems within, so advice is hard to give correctly. 

This is probably why we have so many EX's and so few relationships that LAST. 

You can fall 'out of love' with someone when the scale becomes unbalanced and still be friends that care about each other. {If both sides are able to}.  You can still enjoy someone's company, without the expectations of the relationship, and get along just fine. Still having 'fun' together. 

Sometimes this is motivated by the children that are 'stuck in the middle' of it all. Some unbalanced relationships can hold out and maintain because of the 'kids' that the relationship affects. At least until the 'kids' are out of the way. { Couples are known to divorce once children are grown and out of the house. This often leaves the children in a bit of a shock, because they 'didn't see that coming}

You can 'try' again. Sometimes the problems can be resolved to where things do work out. Or you can 'try' again - and again and the problems only amplify and get worse with each collision. These would be the relationships that might end in 'hating' each other, or at least one side 'hating' the other.

Sometimes you just need to be left alone, without the burden of trying to figure someone else out. To find yourself. To 'fix' yourself. Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. Some folks are very 'independent' and struggle with 'dependent'.  people.

There are a lot of 'sometimes' in there, I know. You have to figure out what kind of 'fish' you are. It's best to have an idea of what you're expecting from any other 'fish' you want to add to the bowl. We are all just trying to be 'happy fish', with or without other fish in our bowls.

Images were all found ~ here ~

Blessed by God

Life's a bowl @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

They are Growing Up!

 

Blessed by God

Life's beautiful @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Looking Back

 

Looking back - I wasn't ready to be a 'mom'. I had plans, I wanted to get my own head figured out. Childhood was complicated and I needed to get some things worked out in my own mind. I never wanted my children to suffer some of the pains I had growing up. I was only 15 so I wasn't even 'me' completely, I had growing to do still. Mentally and physically. 

My family left the country and left me with a family that was quite different than how I had been raised. Their morals and values were nothing like mine. The thoughts and intentions - nowhere close to how I thought children should be raised. Way too much interference from the in-laws, into everyone's lives. The gossip and backstabbing was out of control with all of them. You couldn't trust any of them to confide in. Which explains in part why the first marriage was not pleasant.

I did manage to have all of my children with the same dad. Relationships were not the important part of my life. Loyalty to someone who cheated on me, was something I never got over, which made it easy to leave him.  I didn't need someone to love me to feel whole. I was quite happy being independent and on my own. So, I wasn't even looking for another relationship after the divorce. I just wanted to raise my kids in peace and he did everything he could to make that a challenge. 

My kids became my world. Probably too much so, that when they grew up - the empty nest was hard to adjust to. I always wanted to have a closer relationship with my children than I had with my parents. I knew I had made a lot of mistakes. I always tried to correct them. But the pain sometimes never goes away. Their own lives became complicated and often, I was trapped into situations because I had to be there for someone else. 

Over the years I've wished things could have been different. I wish the outside influences wouldn't have been there. The stress, the dysfunctional in-laws, his drinking and violent issues. They all contributed to my mistakes. I lived more reactively than proactive. Unfortunately, the kids had to live through it. Many times, they all said 'I was different' after the divorce. I changed. 

Yes, I did. The problems were not all me. They were the situations I had to react to. 

Turns out I fell into yet another disappointing relationship, another one that caused me to 'not be myself'. This one just as bad as the first. A dysfunctional set of in-laws, his own drinking issues and mental issues that were never totally diagnosed. I ended up changing back into the reactive 'not myself' person I fought so hard to get away from the first time around. 

I've spent years being 'blamed' for all the problems in both situations. When if people knew the truth, they would be able to see 'it wasn't me, that was the problem'. I take responsibility for my mistakes, and I live to regret and wish I could go back and do things differently. I would have been so much better as a person, as a mom, as a grandma. 

Because of the relationships my life has been twisted and full of turmoil. My home unstable during the few times I had a home. In truth - being homeless became more comfortable because I didn't feel trapped. Not realizing - it's the relationships that trap you - not where you live. It's the relationships that prevent you from living, and living in peace. Allowing you to be happy with yourself and your life. 

It's hard to leave a bad relationship when you have kids. You don't want the problems to come up on your children and affect their lives. Getting away the second time around has been much harder than the first. He is far more deceptive and manipulative. I've often felt like he's demonic possessed. I'd love to just walk away completely, but I have to make sure he doesn't hurt my family, 

so it's like "keep your loved ones close, and your enemies closer". 

Turning 60 last year hit me pretty hard. Feels like I'm never going to have a peaceful life with any amount of 'happiness' or 'normalcy'. I often pray the next phase of life be better than this was. Because this has been a lifetime of hell for me. Doctors say I'm hard on myself, I need to forgive myself. Hard to do when the problems are there every day when you wake up. Knowing that your life with your children was not the life you planned or hoped for. 

So they grow up hating you and blaming you. Nothing you can do about it now. Just heal yourself and forgive yourself. hoping that someday they can realize - you did your best with the circumstances you were in. At least you never quit or gave up like so many parents do. You never walked away and were always there, even when they turned their backs on you. You weren't the one that pushed them away, they pushed you out.  And yet, you always opened the door when they would knock. 

"Nobody is perfect, it's sad that everyone expected you to be." I've heard that so many times. "You are a strong amazing person with all you have been through, so many others couldn't make it through just one of the situations you've endured and pulled yourself out of". I've heard that so many times. 

Problem is - I've never heard it from the one's that matter the most. 

I know my kids love me, don't get me wrong. They are not the only people I'm reflecting on. I have four children of my own and another son, that was literally dumped on me to raise. Not all of them love or appreciate all I did and all the sacrifices I made for them. Some of them, my mistakes are mine to own. Like I said I do have some regrets. I have a lot to be proud of too. Some of the kids I'm closer to than others. It's just how it is. 

Forgive yourself, love yourself and know - You did the best you could, for the circumstances you were put in. Let others deal with their own mistakes and feelings on the matter. It doesn't matter if they love you - you know you loved them with everything of your being. 

Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You did your best to correct them. Love yourself. You were in the end - a good person. It's their loss they couldn't see it or appreciate it. 

Blessed and Loved by God

Life's real @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Do What's Best For Everyone

 Sometimes, it's hard to figure out what to do. So, you ask for people's opinions. You pray about it, you think about it. Weigh out the odds. Get the facts. You wait as time progresses, to see what new elements come into play for the situation. You pray some more. Sometimes, you don't get the answer you need until right before you need it. In the meanwhile, ~ You just don't know what to do, or what you're going to do. 

 Be patient, keep praying, get all the information you can - pro and con. And wait. 

 The Lord will give you the answer - when you need the answer. 

 Don't jump too soon or you might make the wrong choice. 

 Don't wait too long once you feel you've been given the answer, opportunity might pass you by.

 Just wait on the Lord. 

No worries - Just waiting.

Blessed by God

Life's an adventure @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

She Likes Me!

 

That says it All

 I asked him ~ Why should I stay with you?

His answer ~ Because you take good care of me.

A mental disorder with exaggerated feelings of self-importance, but low self-esteem.

Very common (More than 3 million cases per year in US)

Treatable by a medical professional

Rarely requires lab test or imaging

Can last several years or be lifelong

Common for ages 18-35

More common in males

Narcissistic personality disorder - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial matters. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration that they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships troubled and unfulfilling, and other people may not enjoy being around them.

Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder centers around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy.

Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.

Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and how severe they are can vary. People with the disorder can:

• Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.
• Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.
• Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
• Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.
• Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.
• Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
• Take advantage of others to get what they want.
• Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
• Be envious of others and believe others envy them.
• Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.
• Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office.

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They can:

• Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special recognition or treatment.
• Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.
• React with rage or contempt and try to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior.
• Have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior.
• Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.
• Withdraw from or avoid situations in which they might fail.
• Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection.
• Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure

  Complications

  Complications of narcissistic personality disorder, and other conditions that can occur along with it include:

  • Relationship difficulties
  • Problems at work or school
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Other personality disorders
  • An eating disorder called anorexia
  • Physical health problems
  • Drug or alcohol misuse
  • Suicidal thoughts or behavior

Causes

It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. The cause is likely complex. Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to:

• Environment — parent-child relationships with either too much adoration or too much criticism that don't match the child's actual experiences and achievements.
• Genetics — inherited characteristics, such as certain personality traits.
• Neurobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking.

When to see a doctor

People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don't seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol misuse, or another mental health problem. What they view as insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

If you recognize aspects of your personality that are common to narcissistic personality disorder or you're feeling overwhelmed by sadness, consider reaching out to a trusted health care provider or mental health provider. Getting the right treatment can help make your life more rewarding and enjoyable.

Being with someone that doesn't see their behavior is the problem is exhausting.

~ Blessed by God

Life's a challenge @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until Next Time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Easter Weekend 2025

 

Flash Back!

 Found myself looking at pictures of long ago, last night and the time turned to midnight without me noticing. Time flies for sure! 

Here's to a few of the moments....

So very Blessed by God

Life is amazing @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.