Weird or What

 This past week was rough, no doubt about it. Most times I just push through. It's really all you can do when you are fighting with depression.

 I went on a bit of a movie watching binge this weekend, within the comedy section on Prime. I don't always read the details, rather get drawn towards actors that I like. As it turns out all 4 of these movies ..........

World's best Dad

Just before I go

It's kind of a Funny Story

The Angriest Man in Brooklyn

..... are about suicide and death. 

2 have happy endings and 2 result in actual death. 

All four were worth watching. 

And yes, they were in the 'comedy' section? Don't figure - right.

I don't believe in coincidences so I can't help but wonder what God's message was in all of it. 

I think it would be good for schools to show the one called "it's kind of a funny story". It might actually help a few kids, with the number of teens committing suicide these days. Bullies have been around since I was a kid. In fact, it was because of all the bullying, that I chose to not go on to college. I wanted to get away from school as soon as possible. {I was way younger than my classmates and they all had a problem with that. Being smart has a negative side too}

Being old now, has come with its own issues in the fight against depression.

Not all family is what you would expect from family, sometimes you outlive your value with some people. Other times you tend to think if you would have died sooner, you wouldn't have had to endure the pain inflicted by people. I don't believe any of them realize the pain and how much hurt they have caused you.

Many of us sacrificed everything for our families and don't feel appreciated by all, rather instead being blamed by some, for their own 'hard times' in life. As if their choices were our fault. Little do they realize that their choices complicated our lives, more than our choices complicated theirs. 

Most people hide their 'personal' feelings. Many don't believe you should be 'too personal' on social media. I myself think that everyone that only shares the good times are unreal on social media. Nobody has a perfect life. Everyone has things that they struggle with. I consider it being 'fake' to not be 'real' about it. 

My mom put the world on my shoulders at a very young age. 

Her philosophy was ~ People are watching you. There are others struggling on the inside and need to see someone else go through things, to give them the strength to get through what it is that they are going through. ~ 

As if it was up to me, to show them the way through the tunnel.

The domestic violence in my life has led to many days in courtrooms full of people, where very private moments had to be shared publicly. {I used to be a shy quiet child}. Over the years I became a very loud advocate and was actually part of the changes on a few things for the better. Making it easier for victims to get through the process and live to tell about it.

So, here we are @ The Bright Side of the Barn. Where life is real and not always 'happily ever after'. Life is raw and sometimes down and depressing. More than once I've had someone 'thank me', for sharing the inside of my life. More often than once I've had someone tell me, 'They were on their way to commit suicide and it was our conversation or the actions of my kids, that stopped them, and they lived on'. 

Too often told 'You should write a book'. I've chosen to write a 'blog'. As I once told a therapist, there is too much in my head, I have to sort it all out and I need post it's to help me put it in order. Thus, the blog has helped by giving each thought a title. A book, maybe someday, maybe not. The blog has accomplished more I believe. The followers and the feedback have been incredible. 

So here we are. The movies helped me through the weekend. Maybe they will help some of you - too. Either way, remember 'Life is worth living' and you really don't know what tomorrow might bring. Stick around, it's worth finding out. 

Blessed by God

Life's weird sometimes @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Light Up Your Summer

 See the new and Beautiful Home Decor for Summer,

Love the ocean? bring it home with our Seaside accents. 

  Visit my shop link and order direct,

or host a party for some great bonus buys 

Blessed by God

Life's a party @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Gratitude

 

I have a friend that once told me, she wakes up with a song in her heart every morning. Singing to herself and her dogs as she starts her day. 

Can you imagine being able to be that happy with your life? Not to wake up stressed out or thinking about the problems of the day before? 

She grew up in a large family that was quite poor. Made her own way in life to become quite rich financially. Even richer spiritually. To be able to wake up happy - just because she woke up. 

We take so much to bed with us. So much on our minds, and weighing on our hearts. Sometimes we forget the simple things, like the privilege to 'wake up'. 

I found out yesterday that my neighbor passed away. He was an elderly gentleman, had just recently sold his big house and bought the brand new mobile home next door in a new park development. It took him a couple months to get moved in and I don't think he even made it a month living in his new house. The ambulance was here quite frequently in the short time he was here, sometimes back to back days in a row. Then it got quiet. A couple weeks passed with no sign of him. Now he's gone. 

The sorrow of getting something new and wonderful and not living long enough to be able to enjoy it. Very sad. He had let go of so much of the load in his life trying to simplify, just didn't get it done in time to be able to relax. 

Everyday we wake up it's a blessing in itself. An opportunity to feel joy and see the beauty in this world around us. We get into our 'ruts' the daily grind. Waking up - going to work - coming home to do chores - pay bills - very little of our time is spent enjoying our lives, our families and the world we live in. Perhaps this is why so many feel a sense of anger and discontentment more than peace and joy. 

I don't believe it was God's plan for us to work more than we live. Our work was supposed to be in caring for the earth and the creatures around us. Planting - growing - and eating what is good. Watching flowers bloom and babies grow up. Teaching them and watching as they learn. We've lost the way in many ways. 

Take just one day to wake up grateful to have woken up. To appreciate what you have rather than worry about what you don't have. Make an effort to make someone else's day a little brighter. Listen to the birds sing and watch the grass grow. One of the most peaceful sounds I know, it to listen to the horses while they eat chewing on hay. It might sound silly but I assure you, it's very relaxing and brings peace unto your soul. 

Spotting a lizard in the beauty bark in the yard, seeing a hummingbird amongst the flowers. Watching the eagles float in the sky above. The glimpse of a mama elk and her calf, grazing in a pasture along side the road. There is so much beauty in the world around us and so much more we don't see - because we are too busy and in too big of a hurry. 

Imagine waking up with a song in your heart and peace in your soul. It really is a beautiful world we live in. We were meant to enjoy it. It's a privilege to wake up every day. Appreciate it. 

Blessed by God

Life can be beautiful @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping By

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Moving has been Delayed.

 I should have said 'delayed again'.. which is okay. I have been praying about a few things, including how I was going to accomplish this move before the first, and 'what to do' about a couple other things. My prayers were answered in the sense, I'm given more time to get things worked out. The person doing all this for me is amazing and I hope God blesses him for all the kindness and generosity that has been gifted to me. And during the course of our conversation tonight, I was told "Don't worry about it" more than once, and also told, "We'll get you taken care of, you are not going to end up with no place to go". God is amazing! and so are the people that He uses to help others. Angels in human form.

I am so grateful to everyone that has helped me through this struggling times. A friend today apologized, that she couldn't do more. Please know, everything that anyone did was a blessing to me. Whether it was $20 or $200. A place for the night or being invited over for a meal and a shower. Each and everyone that helped, HELPED!

I would not have gotten to here or made it this far without all of you. I will be forever grateful, and I love each and everyone of you.

Your kindness, hospitality and generosity restored my faith and gave me the hope I needed to carry on and keep going. This year has been overwhelming for me, in the many blessings I've received and the amazing miracles that have happened. I tear up when I think about each one and the things that have been done for me. My life was never easy and for the most part I always felt I was doing it alone with no one but my kids. My world has grown to include so many wonderful people. Each one of you special in your own way. Like I said, I never would have made it this far without you.

I can't thank you enough. May God bless each of you and may your lives be filled with blessings and miracles touched by angels. 2025 is truly the 'Year of the Lord' for me, I hope it is for you too. God is great! and so are all of you.

Blessed by God

Life is amazing @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Do you really believe that?

 

You spend the better part of 2 decades close to someone, pretty much daily. Then along comes someone else with 'stories' about them - and you question them, all but believing the stories? Really? 

 What you seen with your own eyes, and what you knew from the relationship you had with that person wasn't enough for you? You actually questioned them as if the 'stories' were true. 

 All I can say is 'wow'. 

I'm guessing you weren't one to defend them either.

Ever wonder why they feel hurt by you? 

Why your relationship isn't as close as it used to be? 

Gossip hurts people, especially when people would rather believe the gossip than the truth. 

If what you experienced with your own relationship and your own eyes wasn't enough for you to see the truth, there is really nothing that person can say to defend themselves.

Why would they even want to? You've already made up your mind when you questioned them. 

Be careful what you choose to believe, people tend to try hard to turn one against another. 

Blessed by God

Life's full of mystery @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Let's talk about The Weather

Washington used to be famous for our RAIN. That being one of the reasons we were called the Evergreen State. Temp's used to stay in a moderate range, never too cold never too hot.

You would have to travel to the mountains to find snow, rarely seen in the lower Mainlands. You could go to the beach any time of the year and not freeze your butt off.  January was beautiful at the beach.

Over the last several years our weather has changed. It's gotten far colder in the winter with the cold lasting longer, and way hotter in the summer almost unbearable at times. With sudden and abrupt changes from one to the other. Night temp's staying colder even in the heat of summer.

 With summer taking longer to get here and quicker to leave. The news announcer would more often than not get it RIGHT for a change. Why - How? One must wonder. Many states have 'ban' the "chem trails" produced purposely by small aircrafts, to bring on the rain, while others still insist it is nothing more than a 'conspiracy theory' about the government dumping chemicals in the air to create 'mind control' amongst other things. 

I believe it's called 'weather manipulation' and the government is well aware of it's ability. Why else would some states ban the process? 

Let's think about this for a minute.....

- 'Con trails' from airplanes leaving the airport, are small and disappear rather than forming into large clouds.

- Why is it whenever these little airplanes criss cross the sky with the trails that expand into 'fake clouds' - we end up with rain the next day or so? 

{Watch your skies and take note of it next time, see how soon it rains.}

- Why did it become unlawful to collect rainwater in barrels? Something folks have done for years upon years. 

{Is someone afraid of what the chemicalized water will do to you if you drink it?}

- How is the weather news able to predict so far in the future now? 

{They know the schedule for these flights, and know when it's due to rain}

- Why did some states ban the process of flying 'chemicals' into their skies, if this is just a conspiracy theory?

- Why has our weather become so unstable - and it's been announced this isn't 'global warming' by nature.

Let's not forget the scientific facts that 

We know that mountains erupting travel ash around the world and back.

Tsunamis bring debris to shores on the opposite ends of the earth. 

So what do these manmade clouds do to our weather, 

both where they are sprayed and where they travel too? 

Has not the weather become more aggressive and destructive over the last few years? 

Far more disasters than ever before. 

Watch your skies and decide for yourself.  

Are 'we' manipulating the weather? 

Is is such a good idea to play with the natural order of things? 

Blessed by God

Life's beautiful @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Moving Time Plans

 When it's time to move there is so much that has to be done. Some things all have to wait until the last minute, which can make the last minutes feel rushed!

 I live by LISTS, POST ITS, and my DATEBOOK. Truly I would be lost without them. 

First things to know would be 

                    A. When you are moving.

                    B. Where your moving to.

1.  Pack up everything you don't use on a daily basis.

2. Coordinate your moving vehicle with the moving date.

3. Contact your utilities and get disconnects and transfers hooked up. 

4. Get your change of address packet, if you have the new address you can fill it out and send it in. 

5. Save as much extra money as you can for the gas and expenses of THE DAY.

6. Buy fewer groceries as it gets closer, so you have less food to move and keep frozen or cold.

7.  Day before finish packing everything.

8.  Moving day - Load the truck.

9.  Clean the former residence.

10. Arrive at the new destination and UNPACK.

For me this is going to be the complete unpacking. After having most of my things in boxes for a year now, I will finally be able to unpack it all. Hang pictures, put up shelves, start accumulating furniture. In the last 5 years I haven't had much furniture of my own. The RV's come furnished and when you're staying with someone it's their furniture you sleep on. For me, this is a long-awaited journey HOME. 

 I really didn't want to have to move so much. As a child my parents moved continually and the number of schools I had to attend was ridiculous. I wanted my kids to have a solid home growing up. With their dad that was impossible. The drinking and violent outbursts got us evicted, or the constant invasion of his family, caused me to want to move further and further away. 

 Once divorced we did get the opportunity to be in one place for nearly a decade. However, it was a constant battle with Tim's family about the house. Being left to pay several of his mother's bills and the declining condition of the property, it became necessary to sell and move on. It was at that time that the realization that he had mental issues started to come into play. For most of the next 15 years he was in denial and refused to seek help - instead blaming me for his own mental illness, which was the final collapse of the relationship.

 Life has been a series of 'go here' 'go there' - trying to figure out where I was supposed to be. My health FAILED ME about 20 years ago. Doctors didn't give me much to hope for. It's only been in the last few years that I found a doctor and the right medications to heal my conditions. The constant feeling of 'any day now' looming over your head can play hard on your mind. Especially when there is no family support and you're walking the journey alone. My health has went through hell and there has been no one to help. 

 There has been - Too many people imputing their opinion, too many influences, too many complications with the kids and families. It's been hard for me to feel AT HOME or that I'm in the right place for a long time. I actually became more comfortable being homeless in the car and always on the move, than to be 'stuck' somewhere or with someone that didn't want me around. 

 This move, is different.

 For one, I didn't pick where to go, it was a gift handed to me. For once it's going to be totally affordable, no high end move in fees, no outrageous rent hikes. Someplace totally new that I never would have chosen on my own. All brand new and freshly remodeled 'for me'. { I prefer new to old, it has a lot to do with the places lived growing up, and during marriages. } It's going to be 'my first real home'. No more RV's or temporary housing. 

 The humorous side of it is, it's huge! 1400 sq ft of space {Bigger than the last 2 places I've lived} and I really don't have any furniture to put in it. Great big open spaces to fill. And I'm in a little car now instead of big trucks - so to 'go get stuff and load it up' won't be possible. I will be needing delivery on most things lol. The car being another big change. It's been 20 years in SUV's and Trucks. I haven't had a car since like 2006? Mind you I'm loving it! I miss the cars more than I realized. I've spent the last year and a half without any house plants, which kills me. I suspect it will become a jungle inside depending on the lighting.

 So many things will be different than what it's been, so many things new and renewed. I'm 60 and I'm finally getting to have a fresh start in 'my life'. Blessings have been pouring in over the last few months. I'm overwhelmed at times watching things work out, and in my favor for a change.  God has been so good to me. The wonderful people He's brought into my life, the issues He's opened my eyes to showing me what needs to change. This truly is the move of a lifetime. To be my heaven on earth, for what time I am left here. It's a secure senior community and I've always planned on living in a senior community almost looking forward to being over 55 to be able to get in. lol. 

Less than 3 weeks to go! 

Blessed by God

Life's getting better @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Happy Birthday David

 

Today is my oldest son's birthday. He's 43 today. He always was a daddy's boy, so the divorce hit him the hardest. Yet for many years he did stand up and look out for mom.

 Over the years he's told many a good story, I guess you could call it reality from his eyes, even though a lot of it was untrue. I've heard some of the wild stories told. I've been confronted by those that believe his lies. 

He used to pop into my life from time to time, until a few years ago. For reasons I don't know or understand he has completely shut the door between us. His little sister has done her own share of things to come between us and His dad has a lot to answer for when he stands before the Lord. Lying to the kids is but one of them. Turning the kids against their mother would be another. The damages he and his wife have done to all the kids, a shame. 

I have 2 granddaughters that I've only ever met a handful of times. Their mom a daughter in law that has tried to bring them around but been trapped by the 'other side of the family' drama. My son didn't want me in his life or his children's lives, so I being me have respected that. I only hope he makes his peace with the Lord before it's too late. 

There is nothing worse than the feeling of knowing your child is headed to hell not heaven. You pray daily and you hold onto hope. You know you can't buy them a ticket this time, they have to make it their own journey. I can only pray that God will someday reach his heart and help him see the errors of his ways. 

Blessed by God

Family is important @ the Bright Side of the Barn.

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Housework

There is only carpet in the bedrooms, the rest of the house is flooring. I spent a couple hours last night mopping from one end to the other and woke up with a pain in my lower back. I think I'm getting too old for this. But it does look really nice and smells much better. 

Yes, I have a nose for dirt and dust.  

With the weather getting better and the sun shining more, I have a need to dust everything and wash the windows next. I don't like seeing streaks or fingerprints in the glass when the sun is shining through. Thankfully all my nick nacks are still packed away, as they would usually be getting dusted off as well. Back in the day I had a ton of princess house crystal, and yes, every piece had to shine crystal clear. Those days are gone, and I've often wished I would have bought something different at the time. 

Moving day coming soon. 

Still a bit of anxiety about it all and will be glad when it's complete. I will finally be able to unpack and relax completely. I've heard it's about 1400 square feet, which is about 500 more than the house was. I don't know yet if that means more floors to mop or if there will be carpeted to vacuum. I also heard it's a basement suite, so I'm a little concerned about how bright or dark it will be and how many windows. I did find out it has covered parking 😊Having the convertible now, makes that a bonus.  Yep, I'm moving sight unseen. From what I understand this space is being converted to an apartment with me in mind, so I feel humbly blessed. 

God does amazing things in our lives! I'm grateful every day. I almost feel like I've been turned in the direction of getting answers to my repeated requests about 'what to do with a particular situation'. This weekend and yesterday a few things happened that I am praying lead to the solution. God is so great! 

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

June 2nd - Already

 It took an hour and 12 minutes to get the internet turned on this morning! ugh. What a fiasco! 

 First thing in the morning I change the scripture of the day. Using the little bread of life box. I find it interesting how some days the scripture fits perfectly and other days - like horoscopes, I just don't see it. 

 Hard to believe it's June already! My time in the house has flown by and I've appreciated every minute of it. With the upcoming move and life changes I've been counting every dollar and cutting every corner to make sure I can do this 'and make it on my own'. Thankfully mystery shopping and inspections really help fill the gaps.

 Dang! Cat food alone is $60 a month for 2 cans a day. Plus the dry food. Thankfully the rescue gave me a big 35 pound bag and they are still eating out of it, 4 months later. I've been working on the quitting smoking and don't spend $10-$15 a day on cigarettes anymore. So that will help immensely. My horse is in a better place and more affordable. So thankful to a dear friend and spiritual sister, Bless her heart. I don't know how I would have made it work if I had not moved StarBright. Bonus, she really likes where she is now too. Getting the gift of a car has cut my gas expense in half or more! 

 I've never had so many people to help before. It's always been just the kids and I and now the kids are all out on their own with their own families, it's been just me, myself and I trying to make it.  It's been absolutely amazing and very blessed by all the miracles. Found Sylvester sleeping on the new kitty post this morning. I think he really likes it! 

 My medical insurance sent me a little gift card for completing some things and I used it to buy Chanelle a little dog bed. Then my dear friend gave me a kitty cat post, which Sylvester has enjoyed to the fullest. Found him sleeping on it when I got up this morning. Usually, he's in bed with me. 

 Even miss Cleo has had some time playing Queen of the castle. She is still not completely sure of it to hang out too long but does enjoy the scratchy parts to do her nails. It is sturdier than the palm tree we have. Sometimes the cats practically pull it over on themselves when they are doing their nails. It's a bit humorous to watch. 

 Tim had to attend a meeting with his nation yesterday and it looks like his DB money will be getting doubled. First raise on that one in about 20 years! Plus, he found out about assisted housing on the reserves, so it looks like his plans to return to Canada are back on. The have elder assistance and with him being an elder now, he's qualified for the help. 

 The original plan of him going to his mom's was not a good idea with him and her husband not getting along. {The guy drinks hard core}. Still trying to sell the Expedition for him, as he doesn't like driving a big truck and with the high cost of gas in Canada, he truly needs something more economical. 

Having the camera view to see my girl anytime has been such a stress relief! 

Never had such an ability before. 

I think having a camera where you board your horse is an awesome idea!!

 Praying every day for the answers and to know what direction the Lord wants me to turn in. How He wants me to proceed and where does He want me to go. Almost finished another devotional book. Getting ready to engage in a Bible study that I'm really looking forward to. Hoping it will add to the road map that's ahead of me. 

 Countdown to moving day. Hopefully the apartment will be ready by the end of this month. As it should be my final move. I am So grateful to Jake, Sarah and everyone who has helped make this happen for me. Amazing miracles happening this year. Better than winning a lottery. 

Blessed by God

Life's amazing @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

Happy Birthday StarBright!!

 28 years old today!!

We've been together over a decade. I got her from the original owner. So many times I've heard 'she doesn't look that old'. She plays like a teenager. Every year she convinces me more and more.... The less often a horse changes owners the longer they live. The healthier they are. 

She's living proof.

                      

She's been an amazing partner for the grandkids, and my best friend. Happy Birthday today to my beautiful girl. ! May you have many more. 

Blessed by God

Beautiful horses @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

A Little Behind

 I've had a few things going on lately, the mind has been busy. No time to sit and think about writing. The stress and frustration with a particular situation, is enough to drive a person batty. I've prayed and will continue to pray about it, hopefully getting answers before I need to make decisions. Sometimes God waits until the last-minute right before ~ other times He lets you go through the fire a bit. Mind you He keeps you from getting burnt while you're there. 

 The anxiety attack from my trip to Seattle took a few days to calm itself down. There is always an aftermath with the attacks, sometimes it takes a few days. Robotic mode, to keep functioning on the primary things, while everything else goes to the back of the bus and waits. More of that horrible heart burn, took me down again. Need to make a doctor's appointment for that. And my left foot isn't getting any better, it's actually getting worse. So there is another doctor appointment I need to put on my schedule. 

 My horse turns 28 tomorrow, I'm hoping to go spend part of the day with her. Today is supposed to be record heat so maybe she'll get a bathe. A much-needed bathe! At least her tail and mane must be done. Riding season for us is starting, so we both need to get prepped and ready. Need to get my friend up on her horse here soon, so I can have a riding partner. Hoping we will get to go places a bit further out on our adventures this year.

 

 Of course, moving day is getting closer and the stress that comes with that is always present. Not letting it interfere with my day-to-day thoughts. I've moved so many times; I can probably have everything ready to go in under 24 hours. Actually, drove out to the city where it is, and holy wow is it ever far away from 'here'. 

 Talk about starting over and in a new place! Almost makes me more excited to get there.  Only one inspection today and 7 TY stores to do this week. I should have time to catch up on most everything else. Looking forward to a few day of rest and relaxation. It's almost June already, dang how time flies. 

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

It's always about the Money

I couldn't tell you how many times I've been accused of 'only caring about the money', or 'I'm just there for the money'.

Every time the kids have needed money, and I could, I would give it to them. Not loan, not expecting pay back, give. Every time I came into any amount of money, I would share it with them. Whether it was a chunk of child support, my inheritance, income tax refunds, always each of them would get something out of it.

After my divorce I never raised the amount of support, it remained the same throughout the entire time the kids were growing up. No cost-of-living adjustments, no reevaluations. Support enforcement would send me forms pretty much every year, asking if I wanted to adjust the support, I declined every time. He got out of paying support on 3 out of the 4 kids and I never went back to court to reclaim what was owed.

When I sold my house there was a lien for $3,000.00 - a bill of my ex's for medical. Not sure how he got them to put a lien on my house, but in any case, I paid the bill out of my sales proceeds. Never took him back to court for the bill. He destroyed my truck doing thousands of dollars in damages and damaged a friend's car as well. I never sued for the money owed me. 

I was accused of only being interested in my second husband because of where he worked and his personal income. Little did people know he was paying out over $600 a month in child support for his only child and didn't have a whole lot of extra to spend, leaving him just as broke as the rest of us. We weren't a couple, we were 'roommates'. A deal made by his mother to help with the expenses on the house she was leaving behind while moving to Canada.  

I handled legal matters and taxes for him, never charging my fees. Leaving me out of a few thousand dollars there too. I babysat his son for 9 years without charging him, and we all know what day care costs are like now don't we? At one point I had to quit my job to watch his son and was never compensated for the loss. Rather accused of 'child abuse' and had to spend more money to defend myself. For the record, I was cleared by the courts and the child returned to my care. I quit watching his son after that and the child became his dad's responsibility completely. I had nothing more to do with him. 

As the years passed my roommate finally married me, for the sake of medical insurance for my kids. Only after I had to pay out a $10,000 hospital bill on my youngest daughter. A bill my ex should have helped pay, so technically he owes me about $5,000 for that as well. Not to mention all the 'school pictures' and 'sports fees' so the kids could participate in activities. Never received 'his half' of those bills either. Never took it back to court even though support enforcement stated they would help me with recovery.

When hubby #2 quit his job to go back to school, it was me and my kids supporting him. Every time he changed his circumstances, it was me and my kids supporting him. And in the last few years while being homeless, it has been me and my kids supporting him. Sometimes paid back sometimes not. This last year there hasn't really been any pay back. When I asked him what he planned to do if he received back pay from Social Security, he said pay his bills, never mentioning to pay back the money he owes my kids.

Twice in my life I've been taken advantage of by men. While I was raised it was a man's responsibility to provide for the family, I found myself being the only provider for my kids growing up. Hubby's son and sister moved in with us and it was my money buying groceries for the whole lot of them, never received a dime in compensation from his mother for the expenses of his sister living there. His ex never paid support towards his son. It was me funding the extra needs for everyone.

Never to be repaid.

But yet, I'm the one accused of 'making it always about the money'. The other day while visiting one of my daughters we were talking about how I am about to end up getting a place of my own, to finally be able to be 'home' and alone by myself. She made the comment, that maybe now I would be able to save some money and have a few nice things for myself. Things I have never been able to have because of having to support and help out everyone else.

I'm concerned, I'm 60, I'm disabled, and my social security is the only steady income I have. It's going to be tight doing everything by myself. . . Rent, utilities, gas in the car, food, medical expenses, taking care of my horse. I know it's going to be a strict budget. I know I can do it, I've had to sacrifice so much already. 

I'm just really sick and tired of always being accused of only being about the money. About as much as I'm sick of being accused of always being the cause of drama. I'm not the one who causes the drama in my life. I mind my own and keep to myself and it's only when I let others into my life, their presence brings on the drama. Yet I'm the one to suffer from it. 

I'm really looking forward to this move. I will be pretty far away, in a place I've never been. It will be all new neighbors, stores and places to go. I doubt I will run into anyone I knew or know. And I'm feeling like I'm not going to really let anyone know where it is, so I can keep it a peaceful place for myself. 

A place I can finally call home and not have to walk on eggshells because of anyone else. My phone is going to be shut off for a while and I don't know that I will announce when it gets turned back on. It's not like I get a whole lot of calls from anyone anyway. The people that matter know how to get ahold of me and that's enough for me. 

While the money owed would be nice, I know I will never see it. It doesn't matter; I have peace and joy and will finally get to be happy without stress. That is worth so much more than what I'm owed. People can think what they want, I'm not the one screwing people out of the money, I'm the one getting screwed what's owed to me. God knows the truth; God knows my heart. I could care less what people think. 

Blessed by God.

Life's going to be beautiful @ the Bright Side of the Barn

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Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

My Happy Horse

My girl is happy in her new environment. She's not been with other 'big' horses and bonded to anyone but the pony, since Buddy passed years ago. She's now with 2 friends, And she loves Miss Debbie!  I think Miss Debbie loves her too. They all hear the sound of Debbie's car after work when she pulls in the driveway. They hear the sound of the back door, when she's coming out to feed. And they all greet her with ears up and smiles everyday. It didn't take StarBright long to learn the routine and know where to go for her kibbles. Mind you StarBright and Nova have to be locked in the stalls while Whinnie get her grain because she eats a bit slower and they would push her out of her own bowl if they had the chance. Even the 'lock up' has become more comfortable for StarBright. She doesn't pace or sweat, she's learned to wait patiently and knows when Whinnies done, she'll be let out for the rest of the night. It's so nice to see my horse actually HAPPY! Yes, she smiles and if you were close enough you could see it. It's beautiful.

I thank God daily for the friend I've found in Miss Debbie and all the wonderful things that have happened for my horse and myself. 

Blessed by God

Life's happy @ the Bright Side of the Barn

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Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

 

Trust your Guts - It's God

Earlier this week I woke up with a headache. A gut feeling hit me, that I was going to have a break down with the vehicles. I had to drive to downtown Seattle for an inspection job. I just picked up the new car over the weekend, and it has an oil leak. It's a small one. But I know with a car that's been sitting over a year, there are going to be new issues when you start driving it. I didn't want the car to 'get warmed up' and have the oil leak turn into a major issue. I thought the car was going to be the one to leave me stranded.

 So, I decided to take the Expedition. After all, I've been driving it for a year now and the few times it's had issues they were easy fixes. For the most part it's been really dependable. Harder on gas, but reliable. It's also a lot bigger and harder to part, especially in Seattle. I spoke to my friend {that gave me the car} and she thought it should do fine. My guts were really bugging me. Even after her reassurance, I took the Expedition.

Traffic was 'hell' and even though I left an hour earlier than the navigator suggested, I was still running late. I called my client who had a second appointment after ours, so now he's stressed out a bit too. Navigator suggested an alternate route at the last minute that would gain me about 15 minutes. I don't like taking alternate routes especially in Seattle. But I did it anyway. Just a couple minutes before my destination, the road very narrow piled high with construction, had high metal curb rails in place. 

To avoid the rail on my left, I stayed hard to the right and of course. BAM! the tire hit the rail on the right side. I was surprised the air bags didn't deploy. Immediately after my tire pressure sensor started buzzing and lights flashing. Of course I called my son. I let him know I just blew a tire. Still able to drive, the air wasn't completely gone yet and I only had a minute to go. I arrived at my destination and to a safe parking lot. My son was busy and I had to do my inspection, so I let the truck sit. 

After my inspection I talked to my son again. He works swing shift and there was no time to get to me and get back home before he had to go to work. The amazing son that he is, he made arrangements for a towing company to come out and put the spare on for me. I personally couldn't have changed the tire on the truck, for one my jack wouldn't raise it up high enough. For two, even the tow truck driver had a hell of a time getting the old tire off. It was a bit spendy, so I'm indebted to my son financially now as well. God bless him, he wouldn't leave mom stranded. I raised an amazing young man!

I had to drive to Bellingham the following day, which again I took the Expedition, spent a small fortune in gas to get there and back, but it did okay running on the spare. I've been praying hard about it all and the Lord has reassured me to take the car. Save money on gas, and get the jobs done. (Sometimes I feel like I'm the only inspector in the area, as they are always asking me daily to do critical inspections and to go to - faraway places.)

Once I got back to the house, I switched up and have been driving the car around ever since. Which seems to be doing fine with a minimal oil leak. I'm checking the fluids constantly and working on getting the parts to fix what we think is the oil leaking cause. I keep cardboard under it when it's parked to gauge the droplets and make sure it's not getting worse. 

Yes, God helps with even the little things in life. A while back the battery on my laptop started acting up and I couldn't afford the $200 to have it fixed. Ran a few diagnostics and restart procedures, prayed hard overnight, and by morning - all was well again. Jesus knew I needed the laptop to do the work. He knows I need a reliable car that won't break the bank in gas to do the work, and He knows I'm working hard to afford to live by myself without any outside help.

In my younger years I only listened to the voice about half the time. The half I wasn't listening, always led to a situation I regretted or ended up being hurt or have been 'stuck' with something horrible. I've learned to recognize the Lord's quiet voice and many times in life, listening to the little voice inside, has saved my life. I know it's God. Regardless of how hard and / or miserable my life looks on the outside to others. I have been blessed and received miracles almost daily. 

You have to learn to listen and trust your guts. That little voice inside, is God, trying to help you. It's the voice of Jesus and the closer you get to Him, the easier it is to hear, and the better your life will be. It's about what we are on the inside, that brings joy into life. It's not about what we have on the outside.

 {Circumstances with the wrong people in my life led me away from the Lord for many years. Don't make the same mistake, trust your gut - it's God.}

Blessed by God

Life's beautiful @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

What Life Should Be

 by Pat A. Fleming

Enjoy this beautiful poem.

To learn while still a child
What this life is meant to be.
To know it goes beyond myself,
It’s so much more than me.

To overcome the tragedies,
To survive the hardest times.
To face those moments filled with pain,
And still manage to be kind.

To fight for those who can’t themselves,
To always share my light.
With those who wander in the dark,
To love with all my might.

To still stand up with courage,
Though standing on my own.
To still get up and face each day,
Even when I feel alone.

To try to understand the ones
That no one cares to know.
And make them feel some value
When the world has let them go.

To be an anchor, strong and true,
That person loyal to the end.
To be a constant source of hope
To my family and my friends.

To live a life of decency,
To share my heart and soul.
To always say I’m sorry
When I’ve harmed both friend and foe.

To be proud of whom I’ve tried to be,
And this life I chose to live.
To make the most of every day
By giving all I have to give.

To me that’s what this life should be,
To me that’s what it’s for.
To take what God has given me
And make it so much more

To live a life that matters,
To be someone of great worth.
To love and be loved in return
And make my mark on Earth.

Source ~  Finding Life's Meaning, What Life Should Be, Meaningful Poem

Blessed by God

Life's beautiful @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping By

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.