What Did You Do?

 When one of the kids would come and say, "So & so did this or did that to me". I would always ask - "What did you do?" 

I never assumed one side would be totally innocent, and the other totally to blame. 

"It takes two". 

 In adult relationships, quite often, one finds themselves frustrated at how much pity the other receives. As if they are totally innocent and only "one" is the problem or to blame. 

 Of course, his/her family/friends are going to feel sorry for him/her, when they only hear one side. 

Quite often ~ 

 Never have they asked, "What did you do?". They automatically 'take the side' and 'blame' the other. Even when they could see what he was doing, they justified it. "Well look at how she treats him". Never asking 'why she acts that way'. 

Or visa - versa. 

 Recent conversation with one of my daughters, in talking about what's been going on. Where things are and where they are going. I commented on how 'he always ends up 'taken care of' and we end up 'struggling to figure life out'. 

She pointed out to me, - His family has never accepted or included us. 

She's right.

 Not even when my kids were little did his family even buy them Christmas presents. They would come down from Canada with gifts for him and his son, and we were treated as if we were invisible. 

 Yet even my 'ex' mother-in-law, would always buy his son a gift and make sure he was included with my kids, never to feel left out. 

 Is it any wonder my kids would have an ounce of resentment towards his son?

 With everything that's been going on, 

I'm repeatedly told of the things I do or have done, and the words keep popping up in my head. 

Yep, and 'what did he do?' 

 Nobody ever asked that question.

There are - two sides to every situation and sometimes even 3 or 4. 

 Next time the kids come running to you to 'tell on someone else' 

remember to ask them, "What did you do?" 

You might be surprised at the answers. 

Blessed by God

The kids are grown @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Mama used to say ~ If the shoe fits, wear it!

I have often had different folks, feel like a post on facebook, or a blog post here ~ is about them, or a conversation we've had together. 

Sometimes - our conversations may spark a thought on a subject. Often times, I am able to look at things from different directions and opposite opinions. 

Not always necessarily is it my thoughts or my opinion. But one of many angles to look at something. Sometimes people get offended, or think I got offended. Many times, neither is the case. After the confronting conversation, I often wonder ~ hmmm, what were they thinking that made them think, I felt that way? Was there guilt in there somewhere. 

Trust me, If you have offended me or if I felt a certain way about something you did, we would either talk about it or never talk again. I used to write letters, when I had an issue with someone. That way, my words would always be in black and white, and nobody could say "Well she said", without it being exactly what I said. 

People would often misinterpret my letters. But that too is on them, not me. Write me back if you have to and I'll try and explain it differently. 

Too many times, people are afraid to say, "how they feel" or ask "if that offended you", when such a simple conversation could really clear the air. 

I've had conversations with folks about a subject, regarding 'having to defend myself.' Later making a post about 'having to defend myself', and they would feel I was referring to our conversation. When in fact - it's a completely different person, that I always seem to have to 'defend' myself, or my answer to something.

Thankfully that person was able to come out and ask me, if it was our conversation. I tried to explain it wasn't and hopefully all is well.  Very few people are as straight forward. Which is probably why I love the ones that are, so very much. We have open relationships, without question or doubt. 

I've lost a few good friends because they thought 'I was referring to them' when in fact, they were not even the thought on my mind, or the point of the post. But it did tell me that they could or should have been. Perhaps that is why the friendship ended. 

Be true with your people and hopefully they will be true with you. It makes for better friends, and longer relationships. 

Blessed by God

God knows my heart @ the Bright Side of  the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.