It's getting crispy outside. The leaves are starting to fall. Cold nights and cool mornings, you can definitely feel the change in seasons. Fur babies are snuggling more, and Chanelle is burying herself under the blankets rather than laying on top. My horse is getting her fuzzies for the winter. And of course, the pasture is turning to mud rather than hard dirt.
I've gotten a lot done inside. Went through the clothes and put a bag together to donate to one of the clothing drop boxes. Given away things that were just taking up space. Things that no longer fit or feel comfortable.
Divided the furniture, so Tim would have some for his place. He's finally returning to the area after taking care of his aging mom, so he is going to need stuff for his apartment. I went through my Tupperware and other kitchen equipment, trying to make sure he will be set up to 'start'. Giving him the couch and end tables as my livingroom is getting too crowded with the cat tree and dog crate as well as all their toys all over the floor.
Divorce doesn't have to be messy or ugly. It can be done peacefully with respect. Sometimes, people are just better off apart from each other rather than trying to 'be together'. True friendships can survive divorce. I only wish it could have went so well the first time around for the kids' sake. Things were going well until he met his current wife. As my granddaughter pointed out, sometimes the new person is jealous of the relationship between the original people and afraid that they might reunite, so they put a wedge in the mix. She is a smart little cookie I must say.
This time around, it's been a long time coming and probably should have happened much sooner. I regret not making the jump when I first felt it. I believe it was his mental condition and 'not knowing' what was wrong that caused me to linger. I wanted to help him figure it out. It was his own resistance and the denial that he had a problem that caused it to 'take so long'. Mental health issues are real, and I was once told by someone ` that thinking you're crazy a good sign, you're okay, because crazy people don't know they are crazy and will blame everyone and everything around them.
My determination I think was because of the stigma and stereotypes mental illness plagued my family for years undiagnosed and untreated. The history and reputation of mental care facilities during that era didn't help and people were afraid to have it known. Crazy is not a diagnosis nor is the mental illness that simple. There are probably as many different mental conditions as there are physical ailments. Sadly, many are not visible except in the extreme cases.
I could write a whole other post about the 'invisible ailments' and the struggle to cope with them. Family doesn't always understand. Name calling and labels put distance between loved ones. Doors are shut and neither side try's to open them. {I was raised to resolve differences, not to ignore them}. It doesn't help when doctors give inappropriate diagnosis, simply because they are a 'cheap state provided health care' and don't want the burden of long-term care for someone that truly needs it.
Personally, I was grateful when I finally got a doctor that took the time to figure out what was going on with me physically and mentally; and helped me understand what had been happening with my health. I look and feel younger now at 62 than I did in my 40's and 50's. Giving up cigarettes helped too. Update on the weight loss I'm down 10 pounds! Those doctors in the early years were wrong! about so much. They made me crazy constantly changing what was going on.
Life has been good the past couple years. Long term goals finally accomplished. So many bills paid off no longer living in the 'behind mode'. The animosity and walking on eggshells have passed. I feel much lighter emotionally. Still struggle with the issues involving my oldest son and youngest daughter. Thankfully I have my oldest daughter and youngest son keeping me afloat. I was a good mom and didn't do anything to deserve what's been done to me. I don't feel like I have to defend myself all the time anymore. I don't have people poking at me daily putting me down for their own issues. Criticizing everything I say or do.
Life's good..
I thank God daily for the privilege to wake up, rather than to think about why I shouldn't be here.
Blessed by God
Life's real here @ the Bright Side of the Barn
Thanks for stopping by,
Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.
No comments:
Post a Comment